Wizards? At a Muggle Store?
by TheUnregisteredAnimagi
Summary: A certain Lily Evans would like to kindly inform you that taking wizards, especially full grown ones with a strange fascination of quidditch and a favourite pastime of pranking Slytherins (especially one with greasy, black hair) to a muggle store for baby-shopping is most definitely NOT a good idea. Especially when it involves albino pythons. One shot.


**A/N: Yes mates, this is my second one. Why it is worse than the first is beyond me (I think it is)...**

**First things first. Thanks so much to all people who reviewed last time (ElephantsRuleTheWorld - first one!, SiriusOrionBlack22, Professor McGonagall and life1428), it really helped ;)**

**ANYWAYS... I hope you like it (even though I didn't really think so) :) And yes, I do love my smiley faces!**

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Lily Potter was walking down the street casually on Christmas Day. Or as casually as a woman with a giant beach ball surgically attached to her stomach could get. In other words, she was having a baby boy, who was to be named Harry. You see, this young lady was not the type to leave things to the last minute, which explains her presence in the middle of a muggle mall with none other but Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew as accomplices for going baby-shopping **(if that is even a term)**. Which, of course, according to Lily, was a HUGE mistake.

_All thanks to my oh-so-wise husband_, she thought. _If he hadn't left me with a pair of human beans _**(intended)** , _then maybe I could have actually managed to be more productive. Had to take Remus, the only sane one, along with him, only to leave me stuck with these two brainless gits._ She was perfectly capable of doing it herself, but noooooooo. He insisted to take at least one of the Marauders with her for 'safety precautions'. Right. Because you know, Voldywart was known across the wizarding world for walking through a _muggle department store _on a fine sunny morning with his Joy Vomiter gang and announce to the whole world that he had Christmas shopping to do and then notice her presence and think _'Oh look! What better way to spend Christmas than to play hide-and-go-kill!...and sing Christmas carols?' _(she made a mental note to get back at James about getting her into a habit of calling that pig face and his snobby followers by that name later).

Dear old Sirius found it absolutely necessary to come because apparently quote unquote _'all amazing godfathers go shopping for their godson'_, at which Lily was left to question whether she was in her right mind when she announced that Sirius was to become Harry's godfather. And of course, Peter, being Peter, decided to tag along. As for the actual shopping, you ask? It did not seem to be a huge success, but more of an ingenious idea. She made sure to ask James whether or not Sirius was accidentally dropped into a penguin enclosure as a child. That would explain his considerable lack of what most normal people called 'common sense'. Poor child.

"No Sirius, we are _NOT_ buying an albino python for my son. End of story." Lily repeated for what seemed like the 548th time in the past century. Yeah, that sounds about right...

"B-b-but look! Its its got cute eyes…"

"_Red_ eyes that will scare the hell out of anyone within a 10 meter radius in vicinity."

"…and this long, red thing that keeps poking out of his mouth every now and then," added Peter.

"That Peter, is called a _tongue_. T-O-N-G-U…"

"Hey, Lily-pad! Look what I found here! Its really squishy and makes sounds whenever I sit on it," screeched Sirius somewhere in the unknown world behind the shelves.

Lily sighed. Impossible. No better word to describe the man with the shaggy, black hair.

"What is it now?" She turned around the corner and realised her mistake. "BLACK!? WHAT IN THE NAME OF MERLIN DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? SITTING ON A CAT? NO WONDER ITS _'MAKING NOISES EVERY TIME YOU SIT ON IT'_!"

Somewhere in her own world, young Mr. Black could hear the red-head mutter incoherently something that oddly enough, sounded like 'sumo-wrestler size wizards sitting on ginger cats equals diet for Sirius'. He had not a single clue what in the world Lily was talking about, especially with the whole 'sumo-wrestler' thing she mentioned, yet he had a horrible feeling it had something to do with him and food. A diet perhaps? No-no-no... maybe it would be a good idea to wake her up before she went rambling on about a diet. She seemed to be doing it a lot lately.

"Earth to Lily!" yelled Sirius. Right in her left ear. Or it may have been left in her right ear... but before he could fathom if it made any sense...

"MERLIN! My poor hearing!" screeched Lily. "I've been thinking about that diet, Sirius…" Aaahh... there it is!

" 'Scuse me? _Diet?_ What the hell are you talking about woman!? A growing man needs his food!" And with that, marched right out of the wooden revolving doors. And came straight back in. With a groan, Lily left the pet store, dragging Peter and Sirius along with her, while simultaneously deciding to never go shopping with either at a muggle store again. Not to mention placing a silencing charm on both of them.

Next, they walked into a toddler clothing store, where Lily successfully managed to find something worth buying. Feeling guilty about the silencing charms on them both for the last half an hour, largely due to Sirius giving her the puppy eyes, she took them off.

As if on cue, Sirius yelled "ROSES ARE RED, VIOLETS ARE BLUE, SUGAR IS SWEET AND SO ARE YOU, LILY-FLOWER!"

"Well dearest Siri-kins, the roses happen to be _wilting_, the violets are _dead_, the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head." she retorted. And with that she placed a nonverbal charm on him. Yes, again.

With no clue as to what she had done, Sirius was left with the sudden had the urge to go to the bathroom. And without a thought, he walked through the nearest door, at which Lily immediately started snickering.

Peter, oblivious to his surroundings, asked the auburn-haired girl, "Hey Lily, any clue to why Sirius just walked through a door with a stick figure wearing a triangle on it?"

Sure enough, two seconds later, a man none other than Sirius Black comes out of the ladies bathroom yelling "MERLIN'S LEFT SOCK! MY EYES! MY INNOCENT EYES!"

"Merlin's _left sock_? Really, Padfoot?" All eyes turned to James and Remus, who just walked to the door.

"James, was Sirius ever being dropped in a penguin enclosure by any chance?"

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